It seems that hard things in life never stop. Once one does, another one comes along. Today I feel I can barely keep my head above water. I know I should post happy things...I know I should be positive but I just wanna turn on the shower and bawl my eyes out. I miss him........I'm having one of those times that I would do anything to rewind back to March 15th and spend those wonderful 5 days with him.
I met with a sort of "natural healer" awhile ago. She called me out of the blue today I told her a bit of how I was feeling. She said kick yourself out of the glass that you feel you are drowning in and get oxygen. I tried it, it didn't work. LOL guess I shouldn't be surprised.
My baby girl starts 1st grade tomorrow, I have a variety of emotions. Mostly those of inadequacy, sadness and scared for her. I wish I could be like other moms, able to give her all the things that normal families have. I guess its another reminder of why I placed Korbin but that thought doesn't help how much my heart is aching right now. I get bitter alot (surprised????!!!) hahaha. I just don't know what I did to be here, I was a good wife, a good mother, a good girlfriend. I love the people I am with with everything I have and I am just left by myself......with the pain that others have so easily forgotten. Everyone seems to reap the benefits of my pain.
I better end now before this gets worse...............sorry to be so depressing. This too shall pass.
You are good--as being a mom, as being a friend, as being a woman, as being. Hang in there. You will find your way.
ReplyDelete"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
Robert Frost knows his stuff. You took the road less traveled. The high road, might I add. You are surrounded by people that love you and want to help. Just hang on.
Love you,
xoxoxo
Your blog inspires me. Thank you for sharing your story with us. You are doing what most people couldn't and it is amazing! Thanks Maren.
ReplyDeleteYou're amazing! I'm sorry you're having a bad time. It's been almost 5 years since I placed and I promise those bad days get fewer and further apart, but allow yourself to miss him. It's an important part of healing. Just don't let it drag you under!
ReplyDeleteThank you gals for your sweet words! Like I said this too shall pass, just a moment.
ReplyDelete